April 7th/09
Mmm… It’s awful to feel like this… like everything was wrong and I was in a dead end…
My body is in pain, and my mind is beginning to suffer, too…
I was in the hospital in February, almost a week, with pain, fever, weakness, cough, scaly rash, red bumps on legs and arms, swollen and painful ankles, knees and wrists… I’ve had Erythema nodosum for about four months, and my doctors told me the cause (at last) a month ago:
I have pulmonary sarcoidosis Stage I
(Löfgren Syndrome)
My doctor’s prescription was DIMARD 400mg (Hidroxicloroquina sulfato), FLEXOL 7,5mg (Meloxicam) and DOLEX 500mg (acetaminophen). I had COLCHIMEDIO 0,5mg (Colchicina) for 15 days, but I don’t have to take it now.
Besides of treat the erythema nodosum, Cloroquina (DIMARD) has to stop the growth of the lung’s granulomas… however this medication has a lot of secondary effects… the major is eye’s damage… so, I have to use lubricant eye drops GenTeal (hydroxypropylmethylcellulose 0,3%, sodium chloride, boric acid, potassium chloride and sodium perborate), stay away from sun and use sunglasses…
My mouth is dry… my skin and hair, too…
But I’m not felling good… I’m still in pain, and my “normal life” it’s not normal at all… I’m feeling sick…
It’s like a hung-over: I’m felling sleepy, nauseous and weak… as well as:
- Painful swollen ankles, wrist and hands. I can’t walk because of it…
It hurts, especially when is cold.
- Temperature changes. I’m cold, next minute I’m hot (literally spoken!)
My hands tremble too much.
- Humour changes. Happy days. Sad days. Angry days. Sometimes these changes take place from one moment to another… I’m felling like crazy!! (More than often…)
- Chest pain: like lung cramps… When I laugh or talk aloud… (Or yell!!) Even if I’m walking and talking at the same time…
- Arrythmia. My hearts beats and wanna get out my chest!!
- Trembling hands. It’s annoying when I’m going to eat, because everything falls from the fork. Sometimes all my body shivers… it’s so bad!!
- Appetite changes. Sometimes sick, some time hunger. And constantly nauseous…
- Thirst. I really don’t like to drink water. Currently, I’m always thirsty, and water is the only thing that helps me!
- Cough. Dry cough mostly… when I laugh, when I talk too much… even in a phone call I’m coughing after 15 minutes of gossip!!! At least my voice is already fine…
- Weight loss. Maybe it’s a positive issue!?!?!!
I can’t sleep at night because I feel so cold... even if I get warm, the pain doesn’t let me sleep… I’m not comfortable at any position… I feel anxious sometimes, and all my fears come to bother me and they don’t let me close my eyes… I’m feeling like a little girl, who doesn’t get asleep when there’s no light in her room…
Today is a depression day… I just wanna cry and cry and cry… with no reason or excuse… just cry, like I wanna get off all the suffering inside… all the stupidity… all the fight…
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Marilyn Manson – Coma white Lyrics
TOOL – H Lyrics
TOOL – Forty-six & 2 Lyrics
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